at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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