everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
