That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
