I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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