I am full of burrito and curiosity
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
3 2 1 whiskey
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
