umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
