I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
