the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
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