shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
