Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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