I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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