I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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