he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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