I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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