Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
