i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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