so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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