Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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