I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
