I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
