I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
