Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
