First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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