Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize