I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
