Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
