I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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