Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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