I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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