Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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