There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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