lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
