thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
