Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
