I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
