Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize