4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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