that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
