you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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