So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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