the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
