Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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