nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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