remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
