I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
