Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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