You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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