it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
