maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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