It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
