I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
