how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My vagina just clenched in fear
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
