I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
