My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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