You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
