Plan B is the new Plan A
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
