so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
