I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
