please come you make the beer taste better
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize