Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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