At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
