Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize