Soap is not a condiment
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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