Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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