I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
