True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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