DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
