never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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