??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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