im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
