If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize